All yoUr hATiN IS FEUL TIMY FYRE

So.......... hATE is something I've always had to deal with, and really, if you're doing something that others don't do, sooner or later, people will try to send it your way.

So ever since the Queen Latifah opportunity, I've been receiving hate on the regular. I'm talking about emails, blog posts, and peer jokes. The first interview I had, the reporter asked me was I going to quit my job....... the job I was working on the day that I found out I had won, the job I had the morning I walked outside to do that interview, and the job i have that I have to work all 7 days this week for.....the job that's utilizing my science degree but attempting 2 kill my spirit.........I still have. My answer to the reporter was a laugh, and a "naw....".

One of the things i have to deal with is the fact that my co-workers know about this contest, the album, the whole 9 yards......but I wasn't the one who disclosed all the info. i really didn't tell anybody at my job about it, but newspapers and tv news had got a hold of the story, so it was pretty much inevitable for them to not find out about it. But when asked about it, I really just tried to downplay it simply b/c I know how people can be. Ironically the week that the contest began and I was 1 of 3 finalists, I was out of work for about a week and a half, for surgery. When I got back, in my inbox was an email talking about 'vote for our own ....blah bah blah'. It was cool, I was appreciative, but at the same time I was like damn, now these people think they have a right to know my business.

Fast forwarding a bit, to spare you some details, time went by, I went to record with Queen Latifah, and the back to the reality routine was back into full affect. My supervisor told me one day ' i just never thought you could be so talented....you're so quiet..." What?!!!! ...so because I don't talk 2 you about my weekend, and my cats and dogs, it's impossible for me to be talented? I had somebody tell me, " yeah i saw your video submission..u're pretty talented, but i didn't vote, sorry ha ha'. So you took time out of your busy day to check my video submission on your work time, but you supposedly didn't vote for me? I never counted on any1 from my job to even know about the contest #1, but i'm so irrelevant for you to still check me out?? the ha ha is on you, and you probably voted against me in hopes that I wouldn't win. I can't even count the number of people who ask me 'are you getting paid for your music or is Queen Latifah stealing it all?'. Just yesterday I finally said 2 someone who asked me that question, 'how much do you get paid every 2 weeks, and actually, is this your only j.o.b.?' Silence.......

This, of course, is the PG backlash/hate I've received. For a little while, I would honestly let it get to me. Even, regrettably to the point where I shed some tears. In the midst thinking.... Do I tell those hating on me what my situation really is and bust their heads?, do I tell them, that their only job is my second? Do I tell them that instead of getting a business loan, I'd rather work a j.o.b. that has to be their career? Do I tell them that I am sooooo thankful for them b/c the Lord said He would make my enemies my footstool?, do I tell them that I know what they say to me is really just a reflection of how they feel about themselves?......and through many tears, and many conversations with God and my sister, I realize I don't have to do anything, but hold my peace.

I know I'm venting a little bit on here, but I also know I'm still holding onto my peace, because there is so much I could say about the haters, so many names that I could put out, but some things you need to let go. I do want to thank again all those who did vote for me, all those who believed in me before People's Choice took notice, before I had my song on the Queen's album, and especially those who took a chance and invested in my dream, and what honestly saved my life, 'Night of a 1000 songs' I thank Maia Lake for buy 10 copies, Paul nolen for buying 3, Joe Adkins for copping 2. I don't even know why I started naming folks b/c there's too many to name. Roslyn b.,Robin b, Markiea g, bryon v, Stephan G., Brianca M, Shakese H.,Ricki H, Timbrala m, Shareefah A, Emilia s., Marisa S., Danielle d, krista W., Brittany M., Ashley w, Brandon P, Nicole'Baby D' G, Ashley P, Willie l,LaKendra w, Kendra G, Tamara H, Sabrina w, Kig C, Danielle h, cool, kristi r, khadijah a, melissa m, deidra s, kenit s, toby g, Alvin c, Mia w, april s., stephanie Ivery, Queen La, Rashi s, Sam w, LB, Brizz, Renida v, Lance r, dre.......and a few more.. I knew I shouldn't have started naming folks.....but do know I know ALL those who were apart of saving my life when I thought it wasn't worth living.

Here is T.I.'s joint Motivation. One of my few friends at work had this blastin in his truck one day when we went to lunch...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9kZubwz38U

To classroom it.... or not to classroom it

So about a month ago, I was looking at the Berklee online music website for different programs related to music and music production. I've gone back and forth about whether I should invest in taking an audio engineering program, music production program, music composition program.... so on and so on for about the past 3 years. While most girls love to spend all day in the mall shopping for clothes......I'd rather camp out in a sam ash music store playing with the different keyboards, and looking at all the different pro tools options. With my first paycheck I got from my first job out of college, I went and bought an 8 track recorder and a condenser mic from sam ash. 2 pay checks after that I bought a korg triton 88 key keyboard on one of those 12 month no interest deals where I payed it off in 6 months.

So at first, my focus was making an album. Not to get a record label to want to sign me and not for me to try to get rich. Just simply because there I was working a job that I figured was the right thing to do because I was using my college degree, but I was so freaking miserable because all I wanted to do was music. I was going to make a collection of music for an album, simply just to make one. I had always made songs ever since I was little, but in writing, producing, and recording the songs for this 'project', I realized how organic it felt for me to make the music, and not just sing on top of a song. Again, this was just a 'let me get all of these emotions off my chest' type of project, so there was no setting aside money for studio time and no finding producers to create some songs for me. In my bedroom I created this album of about 18 songs. I learned about 8 and 24 track recorders, about condenser vs dynamic mics, about inputs/outputs, mono/stereo tracks. I got cubase software which lead me to purchasing pro tools soft/hardware. I learned about compression, and even soundproofing. I didn't have a closet I could use to record vocals, so I would get 3 tall floor lamps, 2 flannel bed sheets, set my mic up under those hot a$$ sheets, put my sister's mac powerbook G4 ( which she will never let me forget she let me use until I bought my own) on the outside of my homemade sound booth, slip my hand under the sheet 2 press record, and then hurry up and get back under the sheets to sing into the mic. Along with learning the production and engineering side of recording music, I also became a better songwriter. In fact, the last song I ended up writing for that album ( 'Night Of a 1000 Songs') was 'Fair Weather Friend', the song that landed me on Queen Latifah's present album, Persona, 2 years later.

I said all that to say this. The music behind the music was an interest that was sparked in me through that ' I don't know what to do with myself' project. I remember emailing Ryan Leslie in 2007 asking for his advice about whether I should invest in an audio engineering school, even after I had accumulated gobs of school loans already, and even though my main focus was creating the music, not how to make it sound good for tv, radio, and ipods. He emailed me (unexpectedly) that it's never wrong to invest in yourself, and your dreams. I talked about my idea also with an audio tech sales guy at sam ash who told me he was also trying to pay back his school loans after going to Full Sail. He told me that if I was a person on the creative side of the music, most times those individuals leave the engineering and production to others so they can focus on the craft that interests them the most, creating the music, not editing the sound. I however have listened to the Just Blaze interview where he talks about how he interned as an engineer, and through that avenue is how he ended up having his creative music making side heard.

Although I wanted to take the online Berklee Course for Making Music for Television and Film this september, I decided to do something that I always wanted to do when I was in elementary school, take my books home and read them on my own. Don't get me wrong though, for these Berklee classes, I want to enroll in the classes, but for now I'm saving up money to take those classes (cuz they're not cheap). There are a couple other courses I'm interested in, so I ended up ordering the books for some of those courses from amazon, and now it's just a matter of finding time to home school myself...ha. Here are a couple of the books I ordered:

Making Music Make Money: An Insiders Guide to becoming Your Own Music Publisher by Eric Beal

Complete Guide to Film Scoring: The Art and Business of Writing Music for Movies and TV by Ricard Davis

Pro Tools 101 Official Courseware

Here's the link to Berklee's Online Courses

http://www.berkleemusic.com/

Here's the itunes link for Queen Latifah's album Persona

http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?id=327727437&s=143441

Got 2 Start Somewhere......

Wellp, the first one.... introductions are always somewhat awkward. I guess I'll start by saying that i'm on here to share this journey of me growing into being a songwriter/composer that I've always dreamed, thought, prayed, and worked towards becoming. I'm going to expose my path of learning how not to kill myself trying to work a job, so that I can rather work my purpose. I haven't put extreme thought into how far I'm willing to share, but I do plan on uploading videos, and pictures, so I guess I'll have to step my youtube game up.

Currently I work in the science field at this pharmaceutical company. I've been getting a steady pay check from there for about 2 years now. It's a long story to how I ended up there, in the sciences, but I'll save that for another post.

Tonight I'll just start off by picking up where I am right now. I won a songwriting contest through People's Choice Awards back in January, and got to record my song 'Fair Weather Friend' for Queen latifah's latest 2009 album Persona, the Bonus Track Version, exclusively available on itunes. I got the chance to meet her while I was recording the song in may at Cool & Dre's studio down in Miami. If you don't know who Cool & Dre are, I'll put up some links.

More of the journey to come, but 4 right now, I just wanted to introduce myself to this place really.

Here's the itunes link for Queen's album Persona

http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?id=327727437&s=143441

Here's some links to some interviews with Cool&Dre

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xD4vh9LuMQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbAod8YiyFE&feature=related

In that pic, that's Cool, Queen, and myself in the studio.